I am sitting once again in a window seat in the Kohler Pavilion at OHSU, 11th floor, room 6 to be exact. Have been here 4 days now. Admitted with a gut infection - Diverticulitis with microperforations. Kind of dicey in someone who’s been transplanted and is immune-suppressed. The docs don’t mess around, so here I am. Kind of freaks me out to be honest. A bit like the twilight zone except I am not as high on steroids, just in more pain. It’s really hard on my son.
Well, it’s not exactly the way I thought I was going to start the second book of my blog, but I guess you just have to go with the flow in the world I now live in. The book starts with my guests from my 1-year anniversary party and their comments. Way cool! I have to say my favorite is from my son. Brings me to my knees every time I read it, so I guess I have to share it with you all. Here you go. “Dear Mom, I couldn’t be more proud to have you as my mother.
I had an interesting insight, an “Aha” moment, this week. Stems around denial of my illness - how sick I really was, how sick I needed to be to receive a new heart, that I have been transplanted and actually have a new heart, how iffy that went and how it goes now. Here’s what I came up with, and this should keep my therapist working for years! If you are not sick, you can’t/won’t die. Now, how’s that for a coping strategy? I mean, it’s perfect! It makes everything else fit together for me.
11/11/11. Interesting numbers, interesting day, interesting reflections for me especially. One year ago today on this date, Veterans Day 2010, I received a call about a heart for me. An experience we now affectionately refer to as the “trial run.” But what memories we have of that day! Fred, Kathryn and I had to discuss how we would handle this day going forward.
I was reading my church newsletter and was very struck by a column entitled “Have you made peace with God yet?” I have to admit throughout my illness and Seth’s death I have struggled with my faith and my faithfulness. I have found comfort in the fact, or shall I say belief, that I am at least a spiritual person. The next article in the newsletter brought me even further comfort and maybe even joy. It spoke of how so many find God in nature. “Yes!” I wanted to shout out loud.